Lately, the question I am hearing most often is, “How do I overcome my doubt that I will ever find my soulmate?”

First I would ask you to determine: is this a random thought, a random doubt or do you have a serious “belief” that you will never find your soulmate?

It’s important to make this distinction. As human beings, it’s normal to have occasional doubts but, if your core belief is you won’t find your soulmate, this is something that you need to overcome.

When I have a doubt about something, I choose not to buy into. I say to myself “cancel-cancel” and then select a more empowering thought.

For instance, you have the doubt, “I’ll never find my soulmate.”

Change that to “My soulmate is not only out there but he/she is actively seeking me as well and soon we will be together.”

When I have a “belief” about something, I look to see what feeling is attached…is it Fear? Anxiety? It is possibly an intuitive warning to look more closely at something?

Then I will imagine a “worst case scenario” which usually helps me see the issue with perspective, immediately reducing any fear or self-doubt.

Next I begin to investigate the belief. Is it true? Where did it come from? Am I willing to change my belief? If not, what is my payoff for holding onto this belief?

Our beliefs shape our lives and become self-fulfilling prophecies. If we believe we “can’t,” then we get to be right – we can’t.

This can send you in a repeating mental trap if you are not careful. Catching yourself when you are mumbling self defeating doubtful thoughts is the goal. The “Cancel Cancel” mantra seems simplistic but it does work. Interrupt your habitual thought pattern and your life will surely change.

PS My new You Tube Channel is now live. Check out the new Wabi Sabi Love Video Channel : youtube.com/lovewabisabi and thanks for sharing it with your friends and family!

Today I want to share a very special story with you…it’s an excerpt for Marci Shimoff’s brilliant New York Times bestselling book LOVE FOR NO REASON—that’s newly out in paperback:

The woman sitting across from me was radiant. Mirabai Devi, an international spiritual teacher from South Africa, was known for the unconditional love that emanated from her, and I could see why. Her dark eyes sparkled, her smile was both serene and joyful, and I felt a warm glow in my heart as I gazed at her.

I pressed the Record button on my digital recorder, and Mirabai began to tell me about her first experience of unconditional love. It had taken place almost 20 years earlier, when, as a young woman, Mirabai experienced an awakening while traveling through Europe:

“It was as if a dam burst in my heart, and the waters overflowed. The love that came forth was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. Like a flood, it was all-consuming and all-encompassing; I could hardly contain it. I felt electrified; my body was tingling all over. I was so in love with the whole creation that I wanted to hug everyone I met. I knew that couldn’t do that because people would think I was crazy. Still, people could feel it. Everywhere I went they would just come up to me and say, “What can I do for you?” “Can I help you?” “Can I give you a ride?” “Can I get you some food?” “Can I . . . ?” They just wanted to be around me.

Traveling through Holland one afternoon, I stopped on the side of the road and looked at a field of cabbages. All the cabbages were just filled with this iridescent, luminous light. My heart was bursting with love for the cabbages.

I felt union with the whole of creation.

I saw that everything is connected and everything is one. And everything is radiant with this exquisite, ecstatic love.”

I sat transfixed, taking in the details of Mirabai’s remarkable story, and asking myself: Is it possible for me and for others to experience that state of unconditional love all the time?

That was the question I set out to answer in my latest book, Love for No Reason: 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love. As part of my research, I found and interviewed over 150 unconditionally loving people I call “Love Luminaries,” including scientists, psychologists, spiritual teachers, and people whose lives were rich in the qualities of the heart—to find out how to be unconditionally loving.

What I discovered through my research is that each of us can grow in unconditional love, the kind of love that doesn’t depend on any person or situation, what I call Love for No Reason. I found 14 keys that will help you experience this higher state of love more and more of the time. Here are three tips to get you started:

1. Anchor Yourself in Safety. Feeling stressed, unsupported, or fearful essentially takes love off-line. It’s impossible to activate the physiology of unconditional love when you’re experiencing stress and your body is in fight or flight. To quickly switch out of stress mode, take a few deep breaths and consciously relax your pelvic floor, located at the base of your body. This kick-starts your parasympathetic system and sets the stage for what mind/body health expert Dr. Eva Selhub calls your body’s “love response.”

2. Feel Your Feelings. Stifling your emotions or expressing them excessively is equally damaging to your capacity to experience unconditional love. Luckily, there’s a third option: feeling your feelings. This is not the same as “expressing, exaggerating or acting out,” as Love Luminary Raphael Cushnir told me. “All it requires is a gentle focus, a turning toward what’s actually present.”

Practice experiencing your feelings directly and completely by observing them as they move through your mind and body—and then letting them go.

3. Practice Self-Compassion. Try a simple self-love technique that brings you into your heart and reminds you to treat yourself with care. Throughout the day, ask yourself, What’s the most loving thing I can do for myself right now? or What’s the most loving way I can be with myself right now? And then pay attention to the answer and actually do whatever it is. When you love and take care of yourself, you’ll find it inevitably serves everyone.

Practice these simple exercises frequently and you’ll notice more love in your heart. Learning to experience pure love within yourself is the key to living a life of unconditional love. When you fill your own love tank, you bring that love to everything in your life.

Then, as Mirabai experienced, you still love people and things outside yourself, but the difference is that your love doesn’t depend on any of those things, whether people, jobs, relationships, cars, clothes….or even cabbages.

(By Marci Shimoff. Adapted from the NY Times bestselling book Love for No Reason: 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love. This book offers a breakthrough approach to experiencing a lasting state of unconditional love—the kind of love that doesn’t depend on another person, situation, or romantic partner, and that you can access at any time and in any circumstance. This is the key to lasting joy and fulfillment in life.)

I strongly encourage you to order Love for No Reason –NOW out in paperback and receive the wonderful Bonus Package free at www.TheLoveBook.com

After Brian and I got married I discovered that “manifesting a soulmate” was the easy part.

The hard part was just beginning.

I was totally clueless about creating a great relationship. After 44 years of being single, I was used to having my own way (all of the time) and since I managed skip over having a “starter marriage” I had zero experience in “partnership.”

One day I found myself being particularly pushy.  I witnessed myself pointing my right index finger in Brian’s face (left hand on left hip) ragging him out about something…..and I was shocked!  OMG….what was I doing?

I quickly apologized and then in a flash of insight said to him, “the next time I get like this, and unfortunately there will be a next time, you have my permission to ask me “when did Sheila enter the room?” (Sheila is my brilliant, amazing, and some times overbearing Mom)

Brian instantly got it and said to me, “And the next time I am getting too patronizing, you can call me Wayne.” (his much beloved Dad.) This was the amazing beginning of our dedication to practicing Wabi Sabi Love in our relationship…a way to offset problems and allow in more love.

Now you may be thinking….what the heck is Wabi Sabi?

Wabi Sabi is an ancient Japanese art form that honors all things old, worn, weathered, imperfect, and impermanent.  In fact, it seeks to find “beauty and perfection in the imperfections.”  For instance, if you had a large vase with a big crack down the middle of it, a Japanese art museum would put the vase on a pedestal and shine a spotlight on the crack!

My new book, Wabi Sabi Love shows you exactly how to see your partner in a whole new light, so you begin to appreciate, even celebrate  your partner’s imperfections. It transforms “tired” relationships so they feel new, fresh, and exciting-like you’re on your honeymoon again! AND….even if you are not yet with your soulmate, this is a skill worth learning now.

The best way to discover Wabi Sabi Love is through stories and fun, simple exercises, and that’s exactly what you’ll find in the book. Wabi SabiLove reveals secrets that create a passionate, joyful, and loving relationship.

If you are ready for more love, fun, harmony, and passion in your relationship, I encourage you to order my book today. It comes with several terrific free bonuses including audio workshops from John Gray, Harville Hendrix, Alison Armstrong, guided practices, a higher love visioning video and more!

To More Love and Light in Your Relationship,

Arielle

P.S: You’ll be particularly inspired by the story on page 211, which shows how Michelle Obama accomplished a Wabi Sabi Love transformation faster than she ever thought possible. You can do it too, but you have to buy the book to get this kind of transformation in your relationship, so hurry before the first printing sells out.

Get your copy of Wabi Sabi Love now!

relationship, Wabi Sabi Love

Single for the holidays?

Feeling down about it?

Trying to talk yourself out of your feelings?

We live in a world that is forever preaching to us to be upbeat, optimistic and have positive thoughts.

I disagree.

Some times we have to allow ourselves to simply feel what we are feeling. To deny, ignore, or suppress our true feelings doesn’t make these feelings go away and can actually make us sick on some level.

Here’s what I do when I am experiencing negative emotions.

First, identify the feeling. Is it sadness? anger? resentment? disappointment? Then I give myself full permission, for 3 minutes, to completely dive into my thoughts and feelings and I do my best to stay totally focused on the emotion. (no happy thoughts allowed!)

Next, I take out my journal and write down in detail my experience, including a description of my expectations that aren’t currently being met. I then check to see if there are any other feelings bubbling up that are asking to be felt, and if so, I repeat the process.

Finally, I make a gratitude list of all the things, large and small, that I am grateful for. My list often begins with items such as:

“I am grateful for the fresh air I have to breath and clean water to drink.”

During this exercise, truly allow yourself to feel the depth of your gratitude.

Next week I will share with you a proven process to create a magical 2012 to magnetize new love into your life.

If you are ready for more love, fun, harmony and passion in your relationship, I recommend my new book, Wabi Sabi Love in this special pre-publication launch – there are several terrific free bonuses that come with it!  Click here to check it out:  WabiSabiLove

gratitude list, negative thinking

I’m writing about a very tender topic today…

Have you ever found yourself at the end of a relationship asking yourself, “How can I survive this?”

It can feel like you’re walking around with an open wound, right? Everything aches.
In fact it hurts just to be awake and sometimes there’s no end in sight.

And then you realize: it’s not just your relationship that broke… your heart broke too. You broke.

I’m sorry to bring this up. We’ve all been there and no one likes to talk about this side of love… but I want to help.  Because if you’re experiencing debilitating heartache right now, or you’re still dealing with the residue of past heartache…The pain you’re feeling doesn’t have to continue.

The good news here is that most breakup pain isn’t caused by ending your relationship. It’s created by the way you’ve been taught to end your relationships.

Unfortunately, most of us have been misled to “break apart” in devastating and destructive ways… and we make damaging and dangerous mistakes that end up creating more suffering, costing us our sanity and stealing our joy. They can even prevent future love!

That’s why so many of us spend 5… 10… 30 years trying to heal from past breakups.

And the crazy thing is, we think that we have to just suffer through it and just hope that eventually, someday, we’ll get over it and won’t hurt anymore. We’re left feeling powerless and hopeless to help ourselves in any really meaningful way.

Yet, now it’s time to learn a different way …

Discover the Art of Conscious Completion in This FREE Online Seminar

Rather than only focus on the pain and problem, this empowering online teleseminar will teach you the step by step process of how you can accelerate your healing by using the pain you are in to catalyze a whole new life.

Until we learn how to heal from these breakup mistakes and learn how to conscious complete our relationships in an entirely new way, we run the risk of remaining in pain and living lesser lives … making things worse for ourselves and our children or loved ones.

You are not alone. We all know what it’s like to hurt and suffer from a breakup. And I want to help you get out of any pain like that quickly!

And that’s why I’m writing this email today… to share with you an empowering training from licensed psychotherapist and national bestselling author of Calling in “The One,” Katherine Woodward Thomas.

This FREE Online Seminar will deliver you an entirely new way to approach the end of love.

Katherine will equip you with a powerful, proven step by step process to help you avoid the hellacious damage so often associated with breaking up… as well as show you how to heal any damage you may have suffered in the past.

Learn How to Avoid (or heal from!) the 3 Breakup Mistakes that Cause Suffering, Steal Joy & Prevent Future Love:

Katherine has helped over 100,000 people find love and now she’s helping us heal and complete relationships in a loving way.  With such a difficult subject matter, I’m touched by her wisdom, kindness and comforting manner in carrying people through her process.

So if you’re hurting, or still not over that past relationship, I really hope you’ll get the salve you need when you listen to this call.

Even if you’re not in a breakup right now, this information is vital to any of us who has ever suffered the painful ending of a relationship. Plus it doesn’t cost a thing to attend.

Sign Up Now For This LIVE Global Teleconference Event

Make sure you sign up even if you can’t attend live-she’ll send you the recording.

Art of Conscious Completion, Calling in "The One, Cynthia James, Katherine Woodward Thomas, Masters Gathering 2012

Does social media help you or hurt you when it comes to your soulmate search?

Do you know what “social media” is?   Are you tempted to jump in to the internet but don’t know where to start?  You are not alone.

The dating and mating rules have all changed since Facebook, Twitter and now Google+ are more mainstream than ever. By mainstream I mean that more and more women are flocking to the internet, many actively using the tools there available for free, to meet and screen potential partners.

If you are you a bit of a dinosaur when it comes to social media, you are definitely missing an opportunity your single sisters are cashing in on.

Take a look at these stats experts at Lab42 found when they went out to take the pulse of today’s relationship hunters as well as established lovers. There survey asking 500 social media users over age 18 some rather personal questions about meeting people, cheating, communication and more revealed the telling numbers.

Of respondents not in a relationship, 26% contact someone they are interested in on Facebook.  42% still prefer in person meetings, however many women feel safer checking out the prospect from a distance.

After meeting someone one interesting, 57% friend them on Facebook, 29% research them on social networks (Twitter, Linked In, Google+) and 26% google them. Amazing what you can find out this way.

While a full 77% rejected online dating as lame, “It just seems wrong.  People always lie about who they are on line.”  A happy 64% report writing and receiving loving messages on their facebook pages. If you follow Brian and I on Facebook, you know how true this is.  We love using social media to chat with each other.

“How do you meet people you’d like to get to know better? How do you treat each other once you’re together?” asks Charlie White, mashable.com, ”Social media turns out to be a great accelerator for exposing you to potential mates, but does that change the basic way people interact with each other?”

You bet!  Don’t miss out on the fun.  Check out the entire survey for yourself right here:   http://mashable.com/2011/11/06/social-media-users-in-love/

Remember, we were all dinosaurs at one time.  Start by friending me on Facebook, you will see a link at the bottom of this page.  Then research your friends and family.  Read through their pages and see if you don’t smile ear to ear.  Social media is exactly that…social….and tons of fun.

Who knows, your future soulmate may be looking at your Facebook profile right now….

For a free chapter of my new book Wabi Sabi Love, follow this link:  http://WabiSabiLove.com

dating and mating, social media

I once heard someone say, “If you teach your children the Golden Rule, you will have left them an incalculable estate.”

Truer words were never spoken. More than anything, the Golden Rule is about kindness. They improve your relationship with yourself and with others. It’s not much in fashion these days to talk about the benefits of kindness, honesty and decency, but the benefits are there and they are valuable and worth the trouble.

Copyright © 2005 – 2011 Simple Truths, LLC
Watch Power of Kindness

If you like this video clip, I encourage you to Share it with the world and join me on my mission to empower and inspire millions of people around the globe.

At the end of this video you’ll see simple instructions on how you can help.

Together we can spread words of Encouragement, Inspiration & Empowerment one video at a time… and wouldn’t you agree our world could use a little more “Positivity” these days!

Together we can make a difference…

I believe in paying attention to “signs” and this week I’ve been hearing about wedding vows everywhere I go.

We just returned from Dallas where we attended the wedding of our niece Sarah and her beloved, Mark.  It was a beautiful garden affair, at sunset, with a brass quartet and a very enthusiastic, loving and gracious minister.

The bride was stunning, the groom beaming, and one of the highlights of the ceremony for me was a recital of Sarah’s all-time favorite Dr. Seuss poem that expressed the depth and the whimsy of the happy couple:

I will love you in the park, and I will love you in the dark.
I will love you through good or bad,
When you’re happy and when your sad.
I will love you when you’re rich or when you’re poor and in a ditch
And I will have and I will hold,
Ten years from now a thousand fold.
And now we’re here at this new start,
So I’ll start by loving you with my whole heart.

For those of you in serious love manifestation process, it’s always a good idea to begin creating some ideas of what your wedding day will include. What music do you want to dance to? What will the cake taste like?  Is it a daytime or nighttime affair?

And, while I’m not certain you should be buying the dress or tux this early, I do believe it’s helpful to the manifestation process to “feel” what you will be feeling like on your wedding day with all the attendant tastes, sights, sounds, textures, etc.

Are you willing to make this a part of your “living as if” component?

Dr. Seuss, love manifestation process

Years ago, on one particularly bad date, a man said to me,  “Arielle you are one tough woman. I’ll bet you scare the S#&*T out of most men.”

Wow….that really hurt. And, it had me take a good, long look at my behavior. I realized that what worked so well for me in business and my career was actually working against me when it came to love.

My friend, Christy Whitman and her co-author Rebecca Grado, have just written a new book, Taming Your Alpha Bitch: How to be Fierce and Feminine (and get everything you want), that really addresses this issue and I’ve asked them to share their thoughts with us today.

Christy and Rebecca say:

Many women have cast aside their feminine natures and taken up a more aggressive, masculine stance – in other words they’ve fallen into the trap of being an “Alpha Bitch”.

Now don’t be too quick to dismiss the alpha bitch as behaviors other gals do. Although most smart women stop short of over-the-top antics; it’s probably safe to say that many other go-getters, are quite capable of pulling the “bitch card” every now and again.

And while there are certainly times when it’s appropriate, it’s holding you back more than you may think.

You see, the more aggressively you push to achieve your desires (and that includes attracting a soul mate), the more distance you end up creating between yourself and your dreams.

Taming Your Alpha Bitch

That’s because the underlying beliefs fueling the Alpha Bitch behaviors are based in fear and scarcity. It’s just not possible to attract your greatest visions, or your ideal mate, from these lower vibrations.

Love and abundance can’t come into your life from a space of fear and scarcity– they’re simply not a vibrational match. So, how can you shift from the disempowering Alpha Bitch stance to an empowered, yet feminine woman? Try these three steps:

1.  Recognize that your forceful, aggressive, or controlling behaviors are being fueled by thoughts and beliefs based in fear and scarcity. When you catch yourself in this mode, ask, “What am I afraid will happen if I’m not in charge or in control of this situation?”

2.  Release these thoughts and beliefs by replacing them with more life affirming, abundant ones like: “The universe is always working with me and for me. In this moment, I am safe and protected. Abundance is always flowing to me and through me.”

3. Reclaim your true empowered and abundant self by remembering that you are so much more than your outer persona. Within you lies a wise, radiant, graceful, and abundant woman. Align energetically with her.

Only by shifting from the tense, rigid, and anxious stance of the alpha bitch, to the open, flowing, and calm one of the empowered feminine woman, do you align yourself with higher vibrations, positioning you to attract easily and efficiently.

Here’s the exciting part.

I’ve arranged to give you a FREE copy of, “Taming Your Alpha Bitch: How to be Fierce and Feminine (and get everything you want)” delivered right to your front door.

Taming Your Alpha Bitch

Taming Your Alpha Bitch will show you step-by-step exactly how to release your Masculine Alpha and replace it with your Fierce Feminine.

Thanks Christy and Rebecca! And guess what? They’ve have already been booked for NBC’s Today Show in January.

Taming Your Alpha Bitch doesn’t hit bookstores until January 30th, 2012 and you can learn more about it NOW and preorder your free copy by going here.

Taming Your Alpha Bitch

Have you ever noticed that the Law of Attraction works for you in some areas of your life but not all? People often ask me “If the Law of Attraction actually works, why doesn’t it work for all of us all of the time?” My sister Debbie and I were talking about this recently and I just HAD to share her answer with you:

There’s only one answer to that question: It is what is in our unconscious mind that has the power — all the stuff that you wish wasn’t there, that you want to get rid of, that you’re still pissed off about or ashamed of, all the beliefs you’re still limited by.

Our unconscious is holding 80% of our power to magnetize our life experiences to us. So if our conscious mind has only 20% of the power, this is the time to get to work on uncovering, owning and embracing our unconscious by truly understanding and transforming what’s no longer wanted or needed.

One fruitful place to start this exploration is to look at what I call underlying commitments. These are commitments that exist at an unconscious level that, if not made conscious, will override any other desires we have.

Our underlying commitments drive our thoughts, our beliefs and — most importantly — our choices. They are the unseen forces that shape our realities. They are responsible for the discrepancy between what we say we want and what we’re actually experiencing.

These underlying commitments are formed by unconscious decisions we’ve made in the past. In the dark recesses of your unconscious, for example, you may have decided that you can’t trust anyone and that it’s easier to be alone. So even though you want love and intimacy in your life, you always choose the wrong mate because your first commitment is to being by yourself.

You become a magnet, but instead of attracting what you think you desire, you are a magnet for failure, for missed opportunities, for being less of a success than you strive for. You continually make choices that are in direct conflict with what you say you want and you find yourself baffled by the choices you are making. Sound familiar?

Underlying commitments keep us stuck in the same place year after year. When we carry the wounds, hurts or outdated beliefs that created these underlying commitments in the first place, we will unfortunately keep attracting the same circumstances over and over again so that we can be right about these early decisions lurking in our unconscious. Our underlying commitments become self-fulfilling prophecies. And our unconscious becomes the driver of our lives.

Transformational Action Step

We must expose our underlying commitments before we have the power to shift them. By exposing these unconscious commitments, we gain the freedom to stand in the truth. Then we can begin the process of transformation.

1. Write down a goal or desire that you’ve been unable to attain.

2. Make a list of the actions you have taken or not taken in the past year that are in direct opposition to this goal.

3. Now take your list and imagine that these choices that have taken you away from your desired goal and not brought you any closer to it are an expression of a deeper commitment, your first commitment.

4. Close your eyes and ask yourself “What commitment are these choices in direct alignment with?” There you will discover your underlying commitment.

When you reveal the underlying commitments that prevent you from achieving your goals, you are beginning to turn your life around. You can now replace your old commitments with new, powerful commitments that are in alignment with your highest vision for the future.

5. Write down a new commitment you can make this week that will move you toward the future you desire.

Take some time this week to do these steps and begin to make progress on unraveling your underlying commitments. And, if you are interested in going even deeper with this type of process, Debbie is the originator of a magnificent, life-changing, life-enhancing workshop called The Shadow Process. Learn all about it here:  Shadow Process

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Debbie Ford, law of attraction, The Shadow Process